How do you cope with a bad break-up? What can you do to pick-up the pieces and move on with your life? Is there ever life after a devastating heartache? 'K. Before you go on reading, assuming that you just had a really bad break-up, feel free to leave this page right now. I am not a psychologist, a healer, a doctor or a professional advisor. These are just my personal thoughts and views. Read at your own risk.
If you have decided to continue reading but you feel that you are really too heartbroken to read and understand anything from this long boring lecture click here for what I’m really trying to tell you.
- Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk. K, you gave your all to your man--your hopes, your aspirations, your dreams and then he dumps you. So what, you are going to lie on your couch and cry all day long? Or maybe, stay incommunicado for a while? Don’t waste more time and resources for something that you’ve already wasted so much of your life on. The relationship didn’t work. It’s good that it ended earlier. At least only a few parties are involved—-no children, no in-laws, no lawyers. Rejoice! Besides, what’s done is already done. You may cry a river, but none of your past will ever get changed.
- What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. The emotional trauma that goes with a break-up is almost always debilitating. It cripples your judgment and your sense of self-worth. At some point it drains you of too much energy. Even worse it could make you lose sight of the beauty of things around you. It makes you want to end your life, because you think, it’s not worth living anymore. Go on kill yourself. And then, what? Is it going to make the other guy feel bad about things? Trust me, most men are insensitive beings, that’s why women are the sensitive ones. That’s just the way their hormones drive them to be. So think again. None of the things you do now will change the way things were. Not even if you end your life. So try as hard as you can to cope with the pain. Remember, no matter how painful the experience maybe, time will soothe it, every day, every minute, every second. You’ll be surprised that after some time you wouldn’t even have a memory of the pain. If you endure, you’ll come out stronger and more positive. You’ll be a newer, stronger woman.
- Blame it on the rain. All I’m saying is don’t blame it on you. Always remember, it takes two to tango. Whatever happened in your relationship is not your fault. Whether you see it this way or another, a relationship is a common effort between two people who commit themselves to be part of that relationship. If the other one is not committed anymore there’s no point of continuing the partnership. It’s just not going to work. So, again, it’s never your fault that things ended the way they ended. There are so many contributing factors that rendered the end of the relationship. It’s not you.
- You’re not a loser, so don’t act like one. Being dumped by your man doesn’t mean that you are not desirable, not beautiful, not smart, not sexy and not everything that every man wants in a woman. Instead, think of it the other way. You are desirable, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are sexy and you are everything that a man wants in a woman. In fact, it is your ex who doesn’t deserve every good inch of who you are. Be happy with that knowledge.
- Tough it out. Women are always seen as the weaker sex because women cry like babies all the time. Women literally wear their emotions out on their sleeves for everyone to see. That’s fine. Cry if you want to for as long as you want to. Crying actually helps. Crying unloads bitter emotions, it clears your lungs, and it washes and cleanses your eyes, so cry away. Now put yourself in the other person’s shoe. What effect would that have on him, if you cry day in and day out? How would your weakness be seen from the other end? You get it? Learn to do it like men do it. Tough it out. Cry now, and then cry no more. Crying soothes the senses, but dragging the emotion of pain for as long as you can would not help. So end it. Right here, right now.
- Take the good out of the bad. Learn your lessons. Life is a teacher. No matter how hard you try, life will never be easy on you. Life will never be perfect. So what do you do? Some people who are more realistic know that a perfect life is just not laid out for anyone on this planet--not even to the most beautiful, the most famous or the richest beings in this world. These people see the value of getting the best out of the daily mix of events in their lives and use it to enjoy their life. So look on the positive side. See the things that are made better because of the end of the relationship. See the good things that came out of it and use it to further your growth as a person. You have now complete freedom to dispose of your life as you please unlike before when you were still in the relationship.
- Think complete. I’ve always said this to myself. I would never run after a man just so I can be with a man or just so I could be in a relationship with a man. I’ve gone through heartaches but I’ve always lived true to this mantra. Say it to yourself too. It’s the power of intention manifestation. Few people realize that their intentions are actually energy wavelengths that are spread across this universe. If you have an intention and you keep it, think of it, and dwell on it, eventually it will manifest itself. How soon? It will all depend on how much of your energy is devoted to that intention, but it will come. Imagine bouncing a ball up against the wall. First you can’t hit the wall such that the ball goes back to you. It takes some time of practice before you get the perfect angle. And when you do get the perfect angle the ball will come fast and strong. The same thing is true with your intentions.
- Pick up the battle. Sun Tzu in his book, The Art of War says, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” So ask yourself, “Did I know him enough?” and if you say yes then it’s time to ask yourself, “What did I miss with me? Do I know myself enough?” So this is the time for you to really assess how much of the battle ahead can you win or lose again. If you know things that you know you didn’t do right, then correct them. If you know things about the enemy that didn’t work right, then avoid them. This way, you won’t go through an emotional war again and end up retreating in defeat.
- Gear up. Enough of the agonizing. It’s time to pick up the pieces. Get a nice haircut, a nice hair color. Shine. Sparkle like you’ve never shone before. Emerge like a great warrior, wounded but undefeated. Enhance yourself with respect to every facet of your personality. Start an exercise regime. Join a community outreach project. Do something useful. Adapt a pet. Plant trees. Do something positive that will put your energy to good use. Before you know it, you’re on top of your game again.
- Embrace Life. Think about all the positive things in your life. Be thankful. You are a lucky person. Think of the many other people whose lives are in great danger while you are mourning over the loss of a mere loser. Think of the many people all over the world who would never see the ray of light again. Some get raped; some get raped and tortured; some get raped, tortured and murdered; some get raped, tortured, murdered and would not even be found. Just think about that. Who do you think you are to deserve more than those people? See? That’s something that you overlooked, but it gives you reason to be alive and to live. I keep on playing Duran-Duran’s song (Ordinary World) in my head whenever I’m really down and feeling low…”Papers on the roadside tell of suffering and grief……ours is just a little sorrow, that's all!”
After reading all of the above and you still feel like none of it ever helped you in anyway, try this. Find a place of solace. Don't speak. Don't think. Just let your senses feel every bit of everything around you. Breathe. Smell. Hear. Feel. Slowly open your eyes. Isn't this a magnificent universe?
